Heavy

This might sound overdone, but if you are a prayerful person, or a faithful person... whoever or whatever you believe in please put me in your thoughts today. Tomorrow I am meeting with my doctor to talk about returning to medication and it sort of scares me. Right now I just need to put my faith in what's worked for me before.

Each day is getting closer to being better, just like every day is like getting getter closer to a better competition. I've been doing pretty well in my workouts although they've been pretty darned tough. Even if I might not be 100% in my head I've been trying 100% in my training. I can deadlift and squat more than I weigh. Yeah, that's pretty baller. What about 150lb wide lat pull downs or 35lb dumbell chest presses? If I can be strong enough to pick up all that with my tiny little dieting body - doing around an hour of cardio a day.... 30 of in pre-breakfast then I should be able to pull myself out of this deep, dark slump. Today I was watching the SNL Betty White episode and laughed and realized that I haven't laughed in quite a while. This is wrong. This is stopping - I have an open loving heart that used to be filled with laughter. One day at a time. I'm going to beat this thing because I have lots of heavier things to carry than this sadness.